Improving Mother and Daughter Communication

生命密碼的進階應用實例：改善母女的溝通問題

A recently divorced woman sent me her daughter’s birthday to try and understand more as to how to communicate with her.  She found that their personalities often clashed and want to see if I could offer any light on their problem.

有一位最近才離婚的女士，把她女兒的生日寄給我，希望能更了解該如何跟她的女兒溝通。她發現她們倆的個性很容易起衝突，所以想看看是不是有可以改善的曙光。

An example of their conflicts was often seen during shopping. The mother and daughter would agree what to buy before going shopping. However, after getting to the store and finding the item either too expensive or not as good as imagined the mother would complain and would change her mind, which made her daughter upset. A fight would then break out unless the mother bought the item previously decided on.  

舉個例子他們的衝突往往是在一同購物時發生。母親和女兒會討論要買的東西並且達成協議，到了商店後，如果母親發現協議要買的東西太貴或不如預期的話母親會抱怨以及改變主意，而這個舉動會使女兒非常不滿 ，然後開始吵架直到母親買下那件物品為止。

Birthdates:

生日

Daughters birthday was 1994 12 21 = 29/11/2

女兒的生日是  1994 12 21 = 29/11/2

Mothers birthday was 1968 10 27 = 34/7

母親的生日是1968 10 27 = 34/7

If you know about number compatibilities and conflicts, you will know that 2 and 7 are in many ways quite similar. They both like to ask questions and analyze things, they both care a lot about details, and the both come to decisions very slowly. In fact, this mother and daughters best communication times were during times where they would analyze things together.

如果你了解一些數字之間的相容性與矛盾，你就會知道2和7在很多方面都很相似。它們都喜歡問問題與分析事物；它們都很在意細節；它們在作決策時也都很慢。事實上，這對母親和女兒只有在一起分析事物時，會有最好的溝通。

For some people, analyzing things together is a source of conflict since people look at things in very different ways. Where one person sees ugliness another person sees beauty. In this family, this was not the problem since mother and daughter actually saw things quite alike and they really enjoyed discussions together. The problems in their relationship came after the analysis when it came time to take action. Once a decision had been made, trouble started.

對某些人來說，一起分析事物常常是衝突矛盾的來源，因為每個人會有不同的觀點。某個人覺得醜陋的東西，可能另一個人會覺得很美麗。對於這對家人來說，這完全不會成為問題，因為這對母女看事情的觀點很類似，而且她們會很喜歡一起討論。他們之間的問題，是從討論之後，要採取行動時才開始。只要做了一個決定，麻煩就來了。

This comes from the conflicting side of the 2-7 relationship. When facing reality and having to take action, the number 2 daughter flips to become a 11 (master leader). When that happens, the daughter stops analyzing or listening to the mother and just does her own thing. Once decided, the number 11 is like a train speeding down a track with no brakes… unstoppable. The mother (number 7) is the opposite. She never stops analyzing and even once action has been decided on. If the number 2 daughter is like a runaway train, the number 7 mother is like the engineer in the train pulling on the broken brake leveler but nothing happens. As the train rushes out of control, the engineer will obviously be under great stress and must make some serious decisions like either keep trying to slow down the train or jump off in case the train is about to crash!

這是來自於2-7關係之間的矛盾。當面對真實情況，而且必須要採取行動時，2號型的女兒會變成11號(主導者)。當這種情況發生時，女兒會停止分析、或聽從她的母親，而開始做她自己的事情。一旦做了決定，11號就會像一列火車一樣在鐵軌上前進，不會踩煞車，停不下來。而7號則相反。7號永遠不會停止分析，就算已經做了決定都一樣。如果2號型女兒像一列前進的火車，7號型的母親就像火車上的技師，不斷地拉著已經斷掉的煞車，結果卻改變不了任何事情。當這列火車失去控制，這個技師顯然會處於極大的壓力，而必須做出重大的決定，比如說繼續試著讓這列火車減速，或是在撞毀之前跳車。

The situation in this mother daughter relationship was that even though the daughter was nice to talk to, she was really difficult to talk to at times and impossible to control. The mother… like most mothers… wanted to control her daughter and was finding this to be an impossible task.

發生在這對母女之間的狀況是：即使用很和善的方式跟女兒談，她仍然難以溝通，並且無法控制。而這位母親，就像大多數的母親一樣，想要控制她的女兒，但卻發覺根本做不到。

The solution was first for the mother to realize exactly what her daughter’s personality was like and respect it. Good communication is based on respect and trust.

解決的方法是，首先，這位母親必須要先了解女兒的個性，並且尊重她。好的溝通必須奠基於彼此的尊重與信賴。

The easiest way for her to communicate with her daughter was to see her as a little queen. As a mother, her job was the queen’s personal advisor… and that advice had to be given in a fun, friendly, and respectful manner. And should the queen lose her temper or take some action, as an advisor, she could not judge the queen, she could only support and respect her.

對這位母親而言，最簡單的方法是把她的女兒看作一個小小的女王。作為一個母親，她的工作是當這位女王的個人指導者。而她所給的指導，必須以有趣的、友善的、而且非常尊重的方式給予。而萬一這個女王開始發脾氣，或是採取一些行動，作為一個指導者，她不能批判女王，只能支持、並且尊重女王。

Children learn through making mistakes. In this case, communication would be improved by simply letting the daughter learn more through experience. The numbers show this at a glance!

小孩總是從錯誤當中學習。在這個例子當中，溝通要改善，必須要先讓女兒能夠有更多機會從經驗當中學習。在這對母女之間，數字可以給我們一些改善的方向